strangers

so i was at this party. earlier in the day, i didn't really know how it was going to turn out, seeing as i knew only a few people who were going to be there. also, i had felt kind of weird all day. i started drinking my beers and it tasted even more bitter than usual. when stranger after stranger started showing up, i became more and more quiet. i don't really know why. i sat there on the couch sipping my beers, smoking some cigarettes. but it just didn't feel right. i didn't want to be there. guys started sitting down next to me, introducing themselves, obviously wanting to talk about a random subject, only for the sake of talking. i must've seemed like such a weirdo, when i just sat there, without even trying to lead the conversation on. if i had known any of the guys, it probably would've felt very akward. but now it didn't. i felt completely indifferent, and was quite happy about it, too. i knew i'd probably never see any of the people that were there ever again, so what was the point of me even trying to talk to them, when i didn't feel like it? girls screaming and laughing, fixing their hair while drinking their little coctails. guys trying to look cool, and drinking as fast as they could. i sat there, smoked some cigarettes, and just looked at them while realizing how meaningless it all was. i could have said something. turned off the crappy music and told them that they should go home. find a more real way to interact with each other. but i didn't. instead i gave away my beer to some stranger, and went to bed. i fell asleep that night to the sound of all these people singing bad versions of hits from the 90's. i guess it was the fact that i didn't know anybody there that made me realize everything that was wrong with it. judge the things they were doing and critizize the words they were saying. i didn't want to be there, i couldn't support it. so i left.