i tend to skip forward to the darkest of my favourite cd songs

I wouldn't buy, sell, borrow or trade anything I have to be like one of them. I'd rather start all over again.

so i've lived in bergen for almost a year now, studying media and communications at the university. it's been a very weird time, both really great and really depressing. i've experienced really cool things and met a lot of cool people, but i still don't really feel good about this place. i don't really know why. partly, it has to do with the university, i've basically discovered that it's only purpose is to reproduce a cultural elite, and make sure that the philosophies of old men from a really long time ago never is forgotten. there is basically no room for creativity, individuality or any kind of exceptions from the rules. also, i can't really seem to make myself fit in with the "student stereotype", i have no need to be put in the same group as every one else. the result of all this is the following:

1. i'm listening more to patti smith, sonic youth, pixies and the smiths than ever before
2. general apathy
3. spending all of my money on alcohol, nicotine and concerts(probably would do that anyway, but still)
4. a huge need to do something drastic with my life, and not waste it on not caring about what i do

basically, i've come to the conclusion that i really hate having to depend on others to have a good time, and to feel like i am doing something good with my life. i've learned that i don't like being invisible(should've seen that coming), and that i hate being told what to do, and when to do it. i hate depending on the government to give me money each month, i hate spending it on rent and electricity, i hate not doing something that feels important to me and i hate being "stuck" in one place because of all the above. i've also learned that the most important thing in my life is love, and that the only thing i want to do with my life is to love, everything and everyone, including my self. and to do that, i've realized that i have to start over again in some way. and i am really looking forward to it.

alkoholromantisk mongorealisme

"I hans kanskje mest kjende roman Sveve over vatna (1982) er handlinga lagd til Bergen og universitetet. Her skriv Hovland om ungdommens lengsel og brunst, puling, uløyseleg kjærleikssorg, festar på dei gråaste hyblane i byen, langpils, politiske kranglar, fyll, tungsinn, ablegøyer og bakrus. Hovudpersonen slentrar tafatt inn i dei mest absurde og underhaldande bakevjer. Studielivet går langt frå på skjener, og sommarjobben på Hansa Bryggerier endar ikkje som det burde."

-- Det eg sakna mest ved den gamle hybelen min, var takvindauget. Der eg budde no var det umogleg å kome ut på taket. Eg ser ikkje bort frå at ting kunne ha blitt annleis dersom eg hadde kome meg ut på taket av og til denne hausten.

Our good fortune allows us to feel a sadness our parents didn’t have time for.

oh god i am the american dream

true love will find you in the end

until it does one must enjoy every little prospect of life, friends, literature, coffee, knowledge, stupidity, walks through an unknown city. breakfast, dinner, midnight snacks. sleeping in a bed with a warm guy, listening to new records on the bus, staying up late. alcohol. showers. sleep.

crisp and clean, no caffeine

det er noko med den kjensla ein får av å høyre på morissey medan ein sit på bussen og byen susar forbi. kjensla av å tenkje på den finaste guten ein veit, eller då ein innser at ein ikkje har aning på kva som kjem til å skje neste år, eller i morgon for den del. mor sin ripsbærgelé på nybakt brød, å forstå kor inderleg glad ein er i sin beste ven, nye vener som stadig blir betre. kjensla av å reise til nye, framande byar og kjenne at det går bra, ein klarar seg fint, at alt er skummelt, men likevel ikkje. den magevrengande, blodbrusande kjensla som kjem ut av ingenting og plutseleg tek over. å kjenne at ein skulle ynskje at ein kunne vere i denne tida av livet i veldig lang tid framover, men samtidig vite at denne kjensla alltid vil vere i deg, og aldri bli gløymt.